I have to wonder if it is the smell of blood or the hormones. Feel like a trapped, wounded animal--know I've got the crazy darting eyes and futile, jerky motions. Want somebody to let me out, calm me down, bandage my wounds and distract me, but I know that's not anybody's job. I suppose I'll just have to chew my own leg off.

smoking in fetal position on floor at home good.
work bad.

Not feeling good. Funny thing happened in the bathroom, though. Was sitting on the toilet seat cover and it caved in a bit, with a pop, and scared me good. Aren't those things for sitting on and hiding? Or are they just for hiding?

Moop.

I think I got up too early this morning. It meant that I arrived here in good time, that my bike ride was pleasantly unassaulted by rush-hour traffic, and that I've actually gotten a good bit of work done this morning. Listened to Nat King Cole on the radio, smoked, had my tea, watched the news all before I left the apartment. But when it got right down to it, I didn't want to leave the apartment anymore. I had too much time to think: about the news, about my life, about the puppy and people I'm far away from.

Seriously, I can feel myself back on the downslope into major depression. But maybe it's just hormonal. Somebody get me a yam.

"I love rock and roll" is so totally stuck in my head right now. Put another dime in the jukebox, baby. Why don't offices have jukeboxes, man?

Train trips are a riot! Plenty of beautiful scenery, but you come in 24 hours late, get propositioned by sailors (and must decline gracefully), and end up hitching a ride with really nice guys who just happen to be smoking up in the car so that you come into work smelling like weed. Hey. I did meet a really nice guy from Cicero. And I got to go through Chicago--I love you, big shouldered city with all your pearly gray skies and wicked cool painted-but-peeling brick!!!!

So, y'all, I am off to Missourah for the weekend--the snow is pretty much melted, and I will be taking off tonight after work. And after I pack and stuff. The big news is that a) we may have a new editor, b) we had a very funny cover-design meeting that the candidate attended and in which we decided to use the photo we have of the candidate's daughter (one of our models) sporting an extremely come-hither look. It was decided that that photo was most "evocative" of "the theme of special occasions". Also, c) I have shitloads of work to do before I leave in an hour and a half and d) I have an evaluation next week.

So this is really just an Aloha--you may contemplate this while I'm gone. Email me if you have clever ideas.

Dudes. So I totally went and purchased a serving of tiramisu from the little "Brooklyn-style" deli accross the street, and I was all like "$4.25 for that tiny thing!?!" but then I was like "Well, it is pretty good" but then again I was like "Why in the hay is it frozen, yo?" but then I was finally like "Huh. Why is the writing on the little flying-saucer cup it came in in Italian? Woah!!! It was made in, like, Milan! Dude!"

True story.

Bleh. I am disgruntled. This article cannot be fixed, that's just the way it is.

When I scratch the wrist support in front of my keyboard, a fine white dust flies up, but it is brand new, I don't get it.

I did laundry last night. So true.

The Pink Angora hat--you can barely see it, but it turned out a leetle ginormous and so I will have to keep it for my big head instead of giving it to the person it was intended for.

I'm a busy bee today--more later.

This is a shitty scan of a shitty polaroid of me trying to look like I'm not the one taking the photo and I'm surprised.




Ta-dah! The choker/collar I knitted for the staff project is somewhat fuzzily visible to all--which was the point of this exercise. If you can't see the photo, VillagePhoto (free image hosting site) is down. Again.

I had the most perfectly enchanting conversation last night with a dear chum. It was swell, I felt like Cinderella at the ball, until the clock struck midnight--or, rather, until the storm done killt my cell reception. Oi. *Wave* Hello, chum of mine!

There's a foot of snow on the ground now, which means that almost everybody who doesn't live in Loveland has taken the day off. My boss just left, asking on her way out if I had any knitting on hand to play with--saying she knows that it's well-nigh impossible to concentrate on a day like this when no one else is around. ( How sweet is that!?!!) Alas, though, no, I did not bring any projects to distract me. I will probably have to actually work between fits of blogging.

I am so peeved about the current political situation. Urgh.

Well. I was going to ask why on earth Japanese knitting magazines don't have a single non-white model in them. Weird, eh?

But then: why would American magazines have no non-skinny models?

Baby Knits from Dale of Norway made me cry.

Migraines aren't fun, but polaroid cameras are!

Black-and-white shots of our projects look so 4-H 1975, though--must pick up some color film at lunchtime. I was going to look into buying a bike, but nevermind.

I want a sunny kitchen with french doors and a comfy corner chair and a sink with a window above. That looks out on some gnarly trees and a little bit of rolling lawn. With that and a bedroom I could be contented for life.

My day in emoticons

8I 8)) 81 :1 >/ :o :o :0 >0 >) >p

omigoodness, i am tired and cross

Omigosh! Flower Fairies! How much did I wish to be a flower fairy as a child--how much do I still wish it?!!

Ha! Quizilla's stamp of approval:


-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.


What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

So true: I *don't* care about going to those silly fancy placed.

Heeheeheehee!

Slippers!

Lordy, I have accomplished much, and yet it is only 11:41--11:48 now, I was interrupted by work. I want to go outside and frolic in the sunshine; I feel like that should be my reward right now, but I must wait for lunchtime. Oof. Ten minutes. I cannot possibly handle it.

Yessiree, I am up to 10.5 inches up the back of that sweater. One more cable repeat, and I start shaping for the shoulders. Whee!

I also saw The Hours this weekend, which was amazing. I had to cry through the whole thing, though, and I'd gone with someone from work. It just captured the variety and sameness of suicidal depression so well.

Also, I spoke with Kate over the weekend, which was just lovely, and I got to sit outside in gorgeous weather while doing it. Yay!

Well, the bad news is that I watched the Bush on TV last night, and ended up furious and sad. Lying son of a bitch. The good news is that I put all that frustration into working like a demon on my sweater, and got 18 rows (~2 1/2 inches) of the back finished. That's 18 rows x 118 stitches per row. Maybe if I work like hell I'll be half finished by the time those buttons come in.

Yes, I like to think hard about the pettiest things possible, effectively distracting myself from the horror that is our political situation. I couldn't sleep last night, and ended up watching Elimidate--I think I've figured out why those reality shows appeal. The people on them are so genuinely *awful* that viewers can't help but feel good about themselves.

In other news, Leigh brought me a Lush bath bomb back from San Francisco, yay! We should so totally get them to advertise and send us free stuff.

Shiny buttons! I've ordered six. For a sweater. That I am making for myself.



In other news: it feels like spring break outside--just gorgeous, sunny in the 50s, aah. I really need to find a swimmin hole.

Also, my mum ran into Adam Hodge the other day, and he asked about me. And he was surprised that I am yet unmarried--perhaps I was not the social leper I thought myself to be in high school. That's my hope, anyway--that and that he will live long, be happy, and do good work. I was always fond of that boy.

Aargh! I dropped a stitch! I don't do this kind of thing! The world is coming to an end!

So the test (see above) is kinda boring. In a desperate attempt to create content without spending too much work time, here. Another thing I want to make.

<< Onward! ------ Ho! >>

I took the What Mythological Creature Are you? test.

Hmmm.

Aren't you glad you don't live in Sunnyvale, CA? Wouldn't it be scary, living on top of the hell-mouse?

In which fiction is faaar more stronger than reality, in my head.

Hello?

Anyway.... I've been to the bank and deposited my sublet check--the checks I wrote over the weekend for bills should now be covered. It's snowing like the dickens out, and I feel poetic with my soggy feet and a ball of pink angora that Ann gave me--she's so sweet.

New Knitty is up, everybody! www.knitty.com